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Well, seeing as I am all about the whole keeping it real thing, I decided I just had to go back to my original entry “Aw C’mon People It’s All In Good Fun” and revamp a few things.   

After a little retrospection and discussions with a friend of mine, who is uniquely equipped in his ability to not allow circumstances to influence how he is going to feel in any given moment of any given day, I have come to the conclusion that I just may not be the positive person that I thought I was. Depending on your definition of positivity that is. Maybe optimistic would be a better word to describe me.  I believe in the goodness of the human spirit, in Karma and see the world as a generally wonderous place.  However, on a day-to-day basis? Sometimes life just sucks.  Not usually, but sometimes it really just does and I don’t understand the hesitation in the admittance of that fact. Is the effort required to be positive (as in never admitting to having a bad day or expressing that you are having a bad day) really sustainable?  To me, it’s not. You see, I have children.  I lack the time and frankly thanks to my physical and mental exhaustion, the ability and inclination for the self-indulgence required for that level of insight.  Three other little people who lack any control over their own emotions  depend on me entirely for their own happiness.  So my days are taken up managing other people’s emotions and there is little time left over for managing my own.   

I guess I now struggle with the meaning of being positive.  I do like to find the humour in everything that I can.  Humour in the trials and tribulations we as parents experience every day.  I also like to complain about it.  For me, in doing so, I am facing my emotions head on and can then leave them in the old garbage heap spent and powerless over me.  Emotions open doors for us, provide us with insight and wisdom, draw out our insecurities for reflection and can provide us with hours of entertainment.  By allowing our emotions the leeway to be experienced and expressed we are freeing ourselves from their control over us and breaking the confines of restraint.   Happiness is fleeting.  It comes and goes a hundred times a day.  True and sustained happiness is unattainable but contentment, now THAT is a worthwhile accomplishment for even in the toughest of times you can maintain contentment and it will bring you a peace and harmony that no amount of happiness could.  Not that I’m not up for a little happiness and don’t strive to have it in my life but maintaining it is a real bugger!  Nope, I’ll take contentment any time over happiness.  Simply put, it’s just more realistic and honestly, much more satisfying.  

I take a risk when I write these blogs.  You are all seeing my inner most self and many are going to judge, disagree with or ridicule.  But that’s okay maybe I will learn a little more about myself (as in the shocking revelation that I am not the positive person I thought I was), maybe you will learn a little more about yourself.  In the end, it is a journey (as corny as that may sound).  I’ll take my lumps and my grumps as part of this tremendous experience I call life.  If we are lucky, we have that one person in our life who we trust implicitly. We know without doubt that no matter what we say or do we will always be accepted by them.  We could expose our deepest darkest selves, insecurities and fears to them and know that they would stay by our side without judgement… know who you are out there…I see you and I’m grateful for you.  

So, I continue to opt for reality.  That way when I get hit over the head with a shovel, I’ll understand its just a shovel, not a dump truck.  And I’ll take a little banter now and then, a good debate,  and a whole lot of passion.