Child in high chair eating at dining room table.

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This blog entry is not for the faint of heart.  I recommend a vomit bag, you know the kind that you can find in any airplane near you.  Seeing as we don’t all have airplane’s near us a plastic, disposable grocery bag or bowl of some sort will also do in a pinch.           

We all know that children have a habit of putting the most unpalatable items in their mouths.  My son though, takes the rabbit poop, so to speak.   If I could have entered him in an episode of “Fear Factor” we would have hands down been the winner of the bugs and food portion of the competition.            

This morning I watched him throw out a lollypop, only to realize that he was not going to get another one and head straight back to the garbage can, fish out the old one and pop it back in his mouth.               

Despite his affinity for putting items in his mouth that really don’t belong there, I never really needed to worry about the girl’s polly pockets or small Barbie accessories.  Nope, he didn’t go for that kind of stuff.  He wanted things he could REALLY sink his teeth into.  Things that he knew would get the reaction of utter mortification from his parents.  I mean, really, why chow down on a little Jimmy Choo when you had a garbage can full of coffee grounds at your disposal?  I of all people understand the allure of coffee.  It is without a doubt my all time favorite beverage.  If I had to be marooned on a deserted island my one must have would be coffee….but eating coffee grounds? He would grab them by the handful straight out of the garbage and, you guessed it, deposit them right into his mouth.  Have you ever tried cleaning coffee grounds out of a toddler’s mouth?                

 Ants are another plentiful resource in our backyard and a favorite food for our little guy.   While the idea of these little creepy crawlies meandering around the inside of my son’s mouth is none too pleasant, it certainly could have been worse.  He could have chosen spiders…..shiver….               

Then there was the time he decided to take a bite into a dishwasher tab.  Now THAT was just plain dangerous.  Poison Control Centre, here we come.  He threw up like he was a member of some elite military force using the power of vomit to disembowel his enemies.  But, in the end, that was a good thing.  Better that than the alternative and thankfully no damage was done.               

However, I would be remiss if I did not mention the granddaddy of all things that should NOT enter or even come within striking distance of anybody’s mouth.   Remember the aforementioned comment foreshadowing rabbit poop? Yes, you heard (or read) me right…..rabbit poop.   Our front yard is full of it and yes last summer when he was about 8 months old I saw him pick something up off the front lawn and watched as this little item made its way towards the orifice closest at hand, his mouth.  I felt as though I was in one of those movies, you know the kind, where everything pauses and moves into slow motion.  I can picture myself now slowly reaching out with my hand and mouthing the word “NNNNNOOOOO!!!!”.  I didn’t make it.  By the time I reached him he was joyfully rolling that little piece of poo all around  his mouth.  I had to resist the urge to run him in the house and rinse his mouth out with bleach or make him swallow a bottle of Purell.              

At least I now have some ammunition.  When he comes home with that girlfriend I really don’t approve of, well, let’s just say that she and I will be sitting ourselves down to have a little chat about rabbit poop.