Has anybody ever sat down and really thought of the dangers of motherhood?  The injuries we sustain, never mind the mental deprivation we suffer is really quite significant.  In my short 7 years in this gig I have suffered untold numbers of injuries as a direct result of motherhood. 

There should be some sort of work place injury claim that we mothers, and fathers for that matter, should be entitled to.  The injuries sustained from tripping and falling over toys is a given to any parent but occasionally you have a couple of really good doozies that warrant a little extra mention.

The first one, that I can remember (being that motherhood also results in mental incapacities and memory loss), happened about a year ago.  I had the misfortune of having a very sassy 2 year old little girl…shocking, I know.  Ohhh, I was mad.  Couldn’t tell you now why exactly but flames were shooting out my nose, my eye’s were red as hot coals and my ears were spouting steam!  Wish I had a picture of that expression (or maybe I’m just as glad I don’t).  Fittingly,  it wasn’t too far off from Halloween!  On top of whatever it was that she’d done, she adamantly refused to go to her room for a time out.  Leaving it up to me to provide her a direct escort.   The only problem is that she wasn’t moving and I was.  My foot made contact with her tiny little ankle and I was stopped in my tracks by a stabbing pain.  I looked down to find her tiny little heel wedged between my 4th toe and my pinky toe and my pinky toe sticking straight out at a 90 degree angle.  I promptly popped that toe back in place, hauled her up to her room and collapsed in a heap.  Who’da thought breaking a pinky toe could be so darned painful? In retrospect, I’m not entirely sure the time-out was worth the broken toe.

More recently, the stairs and I got a little better acquainted.  No idea what happened.  We’ve all done it though.  Somehow while going down the stairs our feet happen to slip out from under us and down we go. Usually we have the benefit breaking our fall but this time I happened to be holding my 18 month old baby  boy.  The Canadian Olympic Dive Team would have been proud.  They just might have offered me a spot on their next competition.  The twists and turns, all in an attempt to avoid my little guy from being the one to make contact with those pesky stairs, really were world class.  The bruise could have been documented in the Guinness Book of World Records and I was stiff and sore for MONTHS!  But, my son was uninjured and I never even received an honourable mention. 

Then just the other day I was doing my motherly duty fighting off the attacks of various species of war mongering, violent monsters when 2 of them (together weighing in excess of 90 pounds) landed squarely on my head!  With my brute strength, prowess and uncanny intelligence, I managed to defeat and obliterate the enemy (okay, okay, they cleared the area when I started whimpering like a little baby).  I am positive they gave me a mild concussion.  It’s about 5 days later and I still have a headache.

Who would have ever thought that motherhood would turn out to be such a dangerous occupation?

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