Confused or disgusted?

Image by San Diego Shooter via Flickr

I have a beef! *Gasp* me? have a beef? Who’da thunk?

Yes, yes I do have a few beefs.  One of them is Why Didn’t Somebody Tell Me?  That’s a very broad beef actually because there are a lot of things I wish somebody would have told me starting from the ripe old age of 12 or so. Oh, we were told the basics. Starting with how that cranky old Mother Nature would be cursing us every month.  Nobody told us though just how annoying over the years she would become and how in later years what a blessing her little monthly gift would be…but that’s for another post… so tune back in for THAT little conversation.  And, we were well-informed as to the basics in the whole sex education thing.  For years though I heard speculations of the big mighty “O” (and I don’t mean Oprah).  “What the heck is that?” I remember thinking and “How do I get one?”  Took me YEARS to figure out what the fuss was all about and then one day WHOA!! And I thought to myself “Why Didn’t Somebody Tell Me??!!”

You grow up in ignorant bliss with the idea that life will turn out to be this wonderous fairytale.  Happy marriage, happy kids, happy life.  Nobody tells you that life is full of curveballs and no matter how hard you plan or organize your life it will likely end up entirely different from what you ever anticipated.  Ah, but I digress.

I remember being pregnant with my daughter and thinking “Why didn’t Somebody tell me?” when I started growing body hair in strange places and had uncontrollable flatulence that no amount bum squeezing could hold off.

Never in a million years did I think my life would entail wiping somebody else’s ass, picking somebody else’s nose and cleaning out somebody’s else’s earwax.  Really, I should have known but it just never really crossed my mind.

Why didn’t somebody tell me that by the time I turned 40 if they stripped me down naked and left me in the woods I could have easily been mistaken for Mrs. Sasquatch? What’s with this hair?

Why didn’t somebody tell me that the little black whiskers on Aunt Edith’s chin (not her real name) weren’t always there? That someday they just might be appearing on my own chiny chin chin?


If there are any more “little surprises” coming my way I really hope that somebody tells me.